perspective

i am so bored. b.o.r.e.d. been off work for three and a half weeks now. been on the couch for most of it. watching movies and dumb tv. but as bored as i am, i don't want to go back to work. i am scared. as much as i realize that this was (most likely) an isolated incident, a part of me wonders if it'll happen again. and i can't help but be nervous that it will. every time a client gets the least bit agitated, i'm going to wonder if they're going to attack. i'm going to be nervous being alone with a client, especially if there's no one around to assist if necessary. i just don't know what to do. i'm going back to the doctor tomorrow. the mri results were negative, which is good. they showed bruising, which is not normal, but to be expected. my hand is still sore and bruised, and my head still hurts. especially when i wash my hair, i have to be very careful, or if i'm lying down on my back. uh, yeah, none of that. all right, not too much of that ;) but yes, i am scared to go back to work. and so bored i'm watching an olsen twins movie from 1995. not to worry, 90210 is on soon. unfortunately, this is not an april fool's joke. here i go again...

so i've been working on this beautiful knitted shawl with kauni yarn. it's gorgeous. i'm so in love with the yarn and colorway. i'm getting close to finishing. this has been keeping me semi-sane and occupied. not much else has.

::sigh:: really don't like the way i'm feeling. don't like feeling so down on myself. just nothing going on. i'm home by myself for nine hours a day. the cats are comforting. but they don't talk. and i can only call my husband or i-m my friends while they're at work so much.

i did register for the licensing exam. that's pretty big. another scary thing to me. registration has been accepted, and now just waiting for the official letter so i can schedule the exam. holding off on sending out any more resumes until after the exam. i haven't heard back from btgm yet for a 3rd interview. hopefully soon. but wouldn't be upset if i didn't hear from them until after i take the exam. the job is seemingly contingent upon me passing the exam. s.c.a.r.y.

i'm just rambling and feeling sorry for myself. i know that things could always be worse. one of my girlfriends found out yesterday that she miscarried and is having a d&c as i type. i feel so badly for her. been there done that. hubby bubby and i go to see the fertility specialist in two days. joy. hard to get excited about that. hopefully it will yield good results. i'm at the end of my cycle right now. just waiting at this point.

i will come back at a later date with a much sunnier attitude...